Sun Affair

“The dawn has secrets to tell you.

Don’t go back to sleep.

You have to ask for what you want.

Don’t go back to sleep.”

~Rumi

I.  Seduction

You have to be patient to catch the sunrise…

Part One:

I wake in the darkness, long before dawn,

and wait

till the sky begins to color

Swaths of peach and pink.

There in the distance

I make out a light-

a ship on the horizon,

a bright star-

but too gold to be either.

I wait and watch that flickering light,

then throw on my coat and boots

running toward the beach to catch it-

The secret jeweled promise of a new day.

And though it seems to try, again and again,

it never shows its face –

painting the sky lighter and lighter

from his hiding place.

Unaccostomed to such early morning adventure,

I return home, sleepy

thinking the day too overcast

to catch a sun

I nestle back into my writer’s perch

a cozy seat, overlooking the Atlantic

in soft pink light

and forget about my questing

Yet in the moment it takes to

tend the simmer of my chai

and place a steaming mug next to my sleeping beauty,

I find the white wall beside my chair

Awash with color.

Gasping, I turn toward the sea and find

a bright orange ball, hoisting itself up

out of the ocean and above the clouds

Bathing my face

in its glorious light.

Those who wake only minutes later

to a world- winter white,

know nothing of this reluctant artist.

Only a thin line of color remains

where the ocean meets the sky

a wink to those of us who witnessed

his spectacular dawn show.

Seduction, Part Two:

Later we catch each other’s eye

Across the day-

sharing “a moment”

our morning between us…

At days end, I think of him again,

and notice he’s taken his paintbrush to the sky,

but I turn away

and rush home with milk for dinner

unable to bear such an  unrequited affair.

II.  Lover

This morning I stir again in the dark,

but weary from the early rising yesterday,

attempt, over and over,

to drift back into dreams.

“Go see the sun rise,” I nudge my sleeping husband

hoping his action

will quell the need

for my own.

But once the room begins to fill with light,

it is I who leap from bed once more

Simmering chai while quickly dressing

pressing my husband to come along.

I rush toward the beach

mug bouncing in hand,

Casey a block behind.

I move toward the dunes,

but my husband stalls

seeking shelter from the wind

under the deck of a vacant beach front hotel

We sip our drinks from this

safe but sterile perch

until I glimpse him…

Just a nail tip of

of an orange orb

behind the horizon lined clouds.

Casey calls after me about shoes and sand

as I run down the dunes to meet him

And there in full view of my husband

I open my arms to Another’s embrace

Receiving him in my heart

and wishing I’d come alone

Later as I crawl back into bed

instead of starting a day,

my husband rebukes my dawn antics,

for this “crush” I have formed on the sun.

I smiled slyly before drifting off,

wondering how I will leave this lover behind

upon returning to the mountains.

(Funny that we wait

for the Sun to rise

into view,

when it is us

who are turning

toward him.)

III  Quarrel

I wake at 5:30 again

Resenting

the demands of this relationship

angrily, I open the blinds to see if he’s there

mechanically I head to the kitchen to start my chai

and wait,

wait, wait

for him

It’s always him,

WHERE is he?

When will he come?

Will I  make it in time?

And then he mocks my feigned indifference

and doesn’t rise

He leaves behind his studly orange garb

and appears later, higher,

in Regal Golden Robes

in Holier than me  light

Casting his halo upon me

His soft, brilliant healing hue

subdues

and i know,

that wherever i go

he is with me

as friend, not lover

IV.  Stalker

an overcast day

his light is filmy

and i’m exhausted

i want to forget him

go back to my sunless life

enjoy the easiness of an afternoon

can’t manage dawn interludes

but he is always there

and i feel him

pulling at me

even in my sleep

V.  Goodbye

I wake and realize that he has risen

without me.

I feel both relief

and utter loss.

Today I return to the mountains

to a sun hidden behind hill and forest

How will I live without our ocean dawns?

Or is he one and the same

wherever I go

across the Millenium

Gandhi, Jesus, Mohammed, Buddha?

How will I know him

without that brightly colored garb

or regal robe?

Can I return to him even if I cannot always stay,

Prodigal lover?

This morning I wake

with those

who know the world only

in winter white,

I have missed the magnificence of

his dawning,

and I know it will

be a long time

before I embrace him again

His love is a gift

a sacrifice

a blessing of light on my life.

Shining, but never joining

me in bed.

Gate of the Morning,

I give thanks

for this new day.

VI.  Home

Who is it that shines in the sky and lights my morning mountain bed?  Bright, white, rising above the pines, reflecting snow?

It can’t be you.

It can’t be the orange garbed painter, the regal robed artist.

You can’t be one and the same.

That beach, those sands, are over 300 miles away.

There is no sea here.

How do you still make it to me?

How large and omnipotent are you?

Unfathomable, inconceivable light reaching, heart touching, morning waking orb?

You are the light of the world.

How can that be?

You are the light of the world?

Impossible!

How can I experience such an intimacy to

ONE who belongs to ALL?

And what about you,

Are your rays that wide?

Sun, tell me.

How is it that you touch me so deeply while touching billions of others at once?

Embracing land and sea, forest and mountain, jungle and desert?

Through rain and snow and sweltering heat?

How can you be so large?

How?

How do I bridge our intimacy with

the impossible span

of your grandeur?

VII.  Awakening

I haven’t just discovered you, have I?

This has been a neverending love story

Why didn’t you tell me?

How painful it must be to wait for me to remember.

My childhood days with you on my back

Mountain mornings of sunshine on my shoulder

Pond dusks

Marshland sunsets

It’s always been you and me and then I  forgot.

We have to cultivate that which we want in our lives.

How can you love such amnesiacs?

“The dawn has secrets to tell you.

Don’t go back to sleep.

You have to ask for what you want.

Don’t go back to sleep.”

~Rumi