Mothers Day Pain

Last night I sat in a circle beside a friend who said that she had

no hope

 

And as her body shook with anguish, I encircled her in my arms

protecting her heart

so that she would not be alone in that world

where she must return home to babies who cry for their father

 

And I don’t know how she drives Molly to school

and changes Seth’s diaper

and plays with Lucas in the sand

 

I don’t know how she mends the fences for the horses

and tends the chickens

and steps one foot in front of the other into another day without him

 

 

I see her grown thin

and I see her fade out

and I want to save her

as if she’s drowing

 

 

And my head throbs as I crawl into bed beside

my husband

and I wake drenched to the bone in sadness

like sorrow’s soup

 

 

And I can’t shake it

not with chai or a massage or work or the newspaper

 

 

Until we walk around the pond at dusk

into the magical mossy lichen covered forest

beside the still waters

and the pebbled bottom

and the tender rushing

 

 

And where upon crossing, i find red berries

and white blossoms

And i hope

And i pray

That maybe Joy has had a better day

 

because i took a turn

 

 

carrying her pain

 

 

Kelly Salasin, Mothers Day 2009